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It’s not just a job when it changes who your family understands themselves to be and how the community sees them.
For many who serve or served in defence or public safety roles, the role is more than just a job. Your professional identity can intermingle with your social identity. This can carry over to families, whose day-to-day life is shaped by the demands of those roles. Families can see themselves as part of the fabric of the job, while the job can also become part of the fabric of the family. Sometimes that can be positive and, sometimes, not so much.
When the job is a part of the family’s fabric, impacts can manifest in a variety of ways:
Identities impact each and every family member, in ways that evolve over all stages of family’s life. Being a defence or public safety family changes who you all are, and it is a change worth paying attention to.
Relationships can become strained with friends and extended family because of the views of others about defence or public safety roles.
The family feels out of sync when the whole community celebrates a holiday or milestone with time off but their loved one has to work.
The family feels pressure to be perfect as a reflection of their work sector.
The serving member’s identity or job has to remain obscured for the sake of everyone’s safety, leaving family members unaware of the full burden being carried.
Families experience a sense of purpose and value in the role their loved one serves, even amidst the difficulties.
“Who we are, who we hang out with, how we spend time, what we do—all of that changes now that my partner is OPP. Now the kids will say their dad is a cop, and that’s complicated on the schoolyard and on our street.”
– Law enforcement partner whose spouse did a late-in-life career change
Having a lived experience that isn’t “typical”, or typically talked about, is lonely. Having an experience that people don’t get, forget about, or misunderstand leads to isolation and a sense of othering. It’s harder to belong, harder to engage, harder to be known. That’s true of public safety and defence families. People will often not “get” your life. We are here to help you find connection and be seen, so your family can thrive.
Check out PSPNET Families for their topics on navigating risk. PSPNET Families also offers a range of information and skill-building resources, along with internet-delivered cognitive behavioral therapy, in their Spouse & Significant Other Wellbeing course for public safety families.
The latest research and evidence-based tools to help families navigate the difficult challenges related to risk.
You don’t have to go it alone. Our events are places to engage in conversation, develop tools, and build connections so families can learn how to respond to the risks that go along with these lines of work. We hope you can join us. All are welcome.
